I want to sleep on a big cotton ball...

The past two days have been CRAZY for me.

MONDAY

I woke up feeling all crappy and sick, like I've been for the past 2 weeks. I had yoga in my first class, which was stressful on my knee but also relaxing. I read my poem in my Creative Writing class, and it went well. Statistics was the dreaded one. I had about 45 minutes prior to study for the test we had. I had felt comfortable with just about everything we had covered, but I was still VERY VERY nervous about the test because even if I feel I know the material, I always get test anxiety (and then usually do badly or worse than desired).

So anyway, I go in to take the test and I'm feeling really good about everything. I remembered all the steps and formulae to use, and there was only one problem I was unsure about. But after asking a question to the Prof, I knew the answer. So I turn it in, feeling crazy and sick as well. I ask if the Prof. will grade it then because I felt I got everything correct. So he said sit down and he would. A few minutes later he whispers my name. I walk up. "Looks like a 98." He smiled. I beamed and said "REALLY?!" and he answered "Yes." I was like "Thats good" and he laughed and said "That's VERY good." I think he was proud of me. I've done horribly the last two tests and fortunately he's letting me retake one. But he's known how hard I've worked, so I think he really was proud. Which makes me happy.

I couldn't believe I made a 98. That's 2 points away from 100, which is perfect. And here I am the recipient of dad's comments about "failures are unacceptable in this family". So - fuck him! He doesn't know yet since he's been gone.. But anyway, the whole way to my car I was beaming and almost started to cry because it's SUCH a huge deal to me. I mean, I'm the girl that hopes for a 70 to simply pass. But I got a 98...a 98!!! It made me feel SO good. I immediately called Jake to let him know. :)


TUESDAY

I woke up exhausted and sickish (AGAIN) because I couldn't sleep at all last night. I woke up earlier than usual because I was suppposed to take Daniel to tutoring, but he ended up faking sick and getting out of it. So I woke up early for nothing. Then I had work at 10am. I felt tired the first couple hours, but got a little energized (from a huge cappucino my boss bought me) as the day went on.

Today was my "call day", where I follow-up on the faxes/letters I sent to golf courses, and then see if they are interested in having my company dive their water hazards to retrieve balls. It's mutually beneficial and all that, so I'm not an annoying solicitor type (just to clarify). So usually "call day" is stressful because I have to talk to people, which isn't SO bad but a lot of people can be extremely rude.

I got a lot of work done (surprising even to myself). And at the end of the day I was getting ready to leave. My boss called and informed me that the payroll thingamajigger messed up this week and he needed to pay me in cash (which means no taxes taken out. woot.), so he asked if I would stay a few minutes late. I, of course, agreed. Well, it was a good thing I did stay late because one of the courses I had faxed called me back, interested in having us dive for them. And seeing as how I get a bonus $25 for each "test dive" I set up, I got some extra money. Yay.

Then I went to class and traffic was much more worse than usual, but I was still in a pretty good mood. Had class and it was alright, but through half of it, I started feeling extremely sick. My head started pounding everywhere, my ears were throbbing, and my jaw was starting to hurt too (weird).

I thought I was going to pass out as I left class. On the way home, I started shaking. It felt as if I was having a drug withdrawl or something. It was really scary because I was afraid I would crash on the interstate.

I got home and no one was there, and I had thought everyone left to go pick David up at the airport without me, and then the dogs were being super loud, and it turns out mom had been in my room and moved a bunch of stuff around when she used the computer and left the door open, which allowed to dogs to come in and eat the crotch out of two of my favourite lounge pants.

So. I started sobbing. I really cried. And there really wasn't a GOOD reason, but I just burst. I think it was all that mixed in with the fact that I've really been missing Jake. I know I can't REALLY miss someone that I haven't BEEN with, but I have missed him anyway. So shut up to any judgers.

Mom gave me TWO of her migraine pills that have narcotics in them, but they never worked at all. So that concerned me a bit. I laid on my bed, crying, while she was busy preparing the house for David...and I just felt sad. I wanted her to take care of me. I'm not usually one to use someone as a slave. For example, when I got my wisdom teeth out and I was in tons of pain, and dizzy and drowsy, and such..I still tried to serve myself (wasn't such a good idea because I almost fell a couple times. ha).

But anyway, I felt like SHIT tonight and I just wanted someone to..not so much pamper me...but just be there and feel my pain and stroke my hair. That's all. I was sad because no one did... Although I must say, my dog came up onto the bed and it was kind of creepy because it truly seemed like he was trying to comfort me. He put one paw on me and just sat there...it was nice. I felt bad for yelling at him earlier about barking so loud. :p

Anyway... David's home and the house is louder due to his presence. But it's nice to have him here. When I saw him at the airport, we hugged and he actually kissed my head. Mom had said to me privately how he was really looking forward to seeing me..which was weird...but made me feel good. He gave me two Ultracet for my head, and it seems to be working just a little bit...unless its simply me writing that's helping.

So I sit here listening to Cat Stevens, and I think it's time to sleep. I've been up for far too long, and I'm super excited to not have classes tomorrow or work this week (I get paid for my usual friday hours this week and don't even have to work since we'll be closed! Another happiness factor) ...I have 5 days of absolute freedom and hopefully some bliss.

Let's rub Buddha's belly so I get better and can try to enjoy Thanksgiving. I know I have a lot to be thankful for...