I went over to his house today. I told him last night that I'd be coming over. Then this morning he messaged me saying to not bother. But I came anyway. I brought him his things, he gave me back mine. I was finishing a ciggarette when he walked out. My hands were shaking as I brought the stick to my mouth. I flicked it away when I was done. I asked him to explain himself. He said he's moving. I asked why he didn't tell me. He said he didn't know how. He's moving next week. I asked where he'd stay. He said does it really matter? I started to cry. He came to me and hugged me. I put my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. My tears were pouring. My whole body was shaking. I'm sure he felt it against his body. I finally pulled away and wiped the tears from my face. My nose was running. He asked if there was something I wanted to talk about. I said should there be? He said no. After a few moments, I said that I guess that's it. He explained how he probably wouldn't be in Virginia for a long time. I didn't see the point to saying that. As if to console me. As if to let me know he was coming back...coming back for me? I don't know. I said ok. He said he'd talk to me later. I didn't think it mattered. It was over. Why would we need to talk? He walked away, carrying his things. I got in my car and watched him until he disappeared into his appartment. And then I sat there. I sobbed in my car. My body shaked in convulsions with each sob. I decided to drive home. The tears kept coming. I put on my sunglasses. And the tears caught in the rims. I blared my music. I got caught in traffic. I finally stopped crying. I kept a straight face. I ignored the thoughts that I was once again unwanted, unloved. I ignored it all. I almost smiled though when I thought of the good times I had with him. It was sad. I didn't want to let go. But I got home. I grabbed my things. I grabbed the paper flower he had made from a napkin that I had kept on my dashboard. It no longer deserved a spot in the path of my constant vision. He had said I could keep his sweatshirt. I think he felt bad. Especially since I was crying. I have a paper flower and a sweatshirt to remember him by. As if I'd ever forget... My eyes want to cry even as I write this. But what can I do? I can't be with him. Not until he grows up. Not until he changes for the better. But I won't hold onto the hope that he will. I don't really know what I'll do. Except miss him. Even despite how he treated me...

What I Want in a Man.

I want a man.
I don’t want a boy or a guy.
I want a man.
I want a man that will love me unconditionally.
I want him to respect me even when I act like a bitch.
I want him to be kind to me no matter what.
I want him to BE A MAN, which includes: taking initiative, leading, being a traditional gentleman, protecting me, and providing for me.
I want a man who will make me laugh and fill me with joy.
I want him to be romantic.
I want him to never want to let me go.
I want a man who will care about my wellbeing and health.
I want him to take charge.
I want a man that will love me unconditionally.
I want him to be totally honest.
I want a man that pampers me just the right amount.
I want a man that won’t take bullshit from me.
I want someone who will do what he says he will do.
I want a man that will love me unconditionally.
I want him to understand me.
I want him to take care of me no matter what.
I want him to be strong.
I want him to include me.
I want him to take care of himself.
I want a man that will love me unconditionally.
I want him to know how to communicate, and do so.
I want him to be creative and intelligent.
I want him to have good work ethic and to be responsible with money.
I want him to be himself and not compromise that.
I want him to be confident.
I want a man that knows how to please me and does so willingly.
I want him to be humble.
I want a man that will love me unconditionally.
I want him to care for others.
I want a man who treats his parents with respect, even if they don’t necessarily deserve it.
I want him to love children and want them.
I want a man that is affectionate.
I want a man that can be sensitive and not afraid to “look weak”.
I want him to tell me like it is.
I want someone who is polite.
I want a man that will love me unconditionally.
I want him to be able to deal with my family.
I want someone who doesn’t care about my past and loves me despite it.
I want him to remember the important dates.
I want a man who doesn’t care about looks and doesn’t have to have sex.
I want a man who would be willing to wait for me, whatever that may mean.
I want someone who’d be willing to both die for me and live for me.
I want a man that will love me unconditionally.
I want a man.
I don’t want a boy or a guy.
I want a man.